always seems strange to type out a new entry. Each one bitterly different than the last - how consistent am i, really?
i like to imagine sometimes that i'm the same person. that i've never changed. that i'm the same andre you knew in high school.
that tomorrow will be another day for good attendance in classes. i will take good notes. i will do well on the next test.
i wonder - often - what ever happened to that easy going simple life that i once had. i miss it. but i've grown and moved on.
now my life consists of getting up at various times. heading to various classes, missing a few along the way. handing in assignments on time, but not ever desiring to do them. finishing exams with that "oh well" and final "hrmph".
but that was then. its time for some sort of renaissance in my life. in fact, i think it has already begun.
this summer, i will not be returning to vaughan. i will not try to restore some friendships that i once had. i will accept my losses.
i will give in. i will let people grow apart from me. i will move on.
so then the point of this entry. i think, has two motives:
1) i am still alive. doing well.
2) it wouldn't be right for me to ever abandon a journal. i couldn't do it, even though i've said it time and time again.

to those of you that i have missed this year - i still miss you all a lot. and i hope that we can still be friends. i am staying in london to pursue a job of interest in my field. i'll be working at a research lab on campus. trying to fight the good fight - and i'm going to be doing my part in looking for early diagnosis of COPD (chronic obstruction pulmonary disease). people get really bad onset of copd when its much too late to be treated, and right now, there's no way to find out how to detect it before then.

perhaps some of you may find yourselves in london and look me up. its not hard to find me.
i'll be home for a couple of weeks at the beginning of may, it would be nice to see old friends once more. i truly hope that time has treated you all well.

i have really changed a lot. i'm sorry to say. or am i? i have long hair now....and a beard....and i dont know if any of you would recognize me. i've started up new interests and hobbies.
inparticular, i've become quite the avid camper/hiker over the last year. i've been doing things from day hikes and weekend camping trips to a snowshoe weekend hike in algonquin and a week of canoeing in the florida everglades...

living life anew. i must admit, its been a very welcomed change. Here are some pics of me in florida and algonquin. 

andre

Thats me sterning the canoe, and in my boat is suzanne (middle) and my girlfriend, Laura at the bow.


My hiking group from left to right - Me, Nina, Scott, Scott



And we still had a VERY long way to go the next day......


Couldn't resist, for good measure, here's a pic of Laura and I


take care all.

i'll update again soon. i rather enjoyed this.
just another inconsistency i guess. *shrug*

Hello all.

my name is andre.

i like long walks by the beach, late night dinners accompanied with wine, and slow dancing t...


forget that . you know who i am.

just thought i'd take a break from studying and say hi.

So then i decided.....there's more to life than trying to live in the past.
its about the present. not the future.
planning ahead seems to get you nowhere, and the harder you try to get to nowhere the more lost you become.

Have you ever tried to get there? Tried to do so much, that you thought you could almost acheive your goal?
in fact, it was in your hands, you clenched it tightly, and hard as you clasped, your fingers became weak and everything slipped away - sand blown by the wind.

you've been stripped of what you wanted. what you craved. and for some odd reason, you realize, its not so bad.

you go on your life, taking each day, one at a time. for a brief lapse in your life, it just clicks. everything makes sense, and you feel heightened. superior. above. empowered.

you look around, take a good look at everyone, feel above them all, as though they shouldn't even be looking at you directly in the eye.

you become 'fitter, happier, more productive' and life seems good.

but you quickly learn.....its not this easy.

time has passed, you haven't noticed it, and you haven't kept up. too much of your life has been wasted away living up in the clouds, occasionally checking in on yourself.

again, you come crashing down, grabbing at the clouds for support as your life comes crashing to the surface. all you can see is rock bottom approaching you faster then the time it takes to realize you've already hit it.

you start again from the bottom. looking around for people to help you out. but you've lost your friends. they have abandoned you just as you abandoned them. but what about those true friends you thought you had? the ones who proclaimed they'd always be there for you. always.

turns out they've let you down. yet again, you find yourself on the floor. nursing the beer you've been drinking but know you shouldn't because you need the money.

you lose yourself again. between the sips of your drink. looking over the bottle as you suck back the last of the suds. you see the people you used to know pass by, keeping their noses high, their eyes sweeping you over, their minds not even considering giving you a second thought.

congratulations. you've done it. you've found the end. you've found the point of no return. you have managed to dream the impossible and wind up lost in your imagination and find yourself stuck to a brutal and unforgiving reality.

is this one of the pathways for this glorious right we call life? is this what was intended for us? or if not by some divine, then by nature itself. is our evolution so backwards, that we are the only species to get worse with time? have we come to a point where our civilization has kept its head up too high, that we are doomed to face this fate. to come so far, and have no hope of proceeding.

sad.

-----------
andre